The Life With In You
by babygirl2006
Summary: Ashley and Spencer dated for 3 years before Spencer broke it off at the beginning of their sophomore year in college. And they have been broken up for about 25 days and Ashley is having a really hard time with it..... It will get better you can't keep spa
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. I don't own South of Nowhere.

Summary: Okay so I wanted to try and work on something that has to do with a break up so... this is what I'm going with right now... Ashley and Spencer dated for 3 years before Spencer broke it off at the beginning of their sophomore year in college. And they have been broken up for about 10 days and Ashley is having a really hard time with it... It will get better you can't keep spashly apart.

Feedback: It would be great if you tell me what you think. If you like it, I'll continue.

Author notes: I hope everyone that reads this story likes it. And I hope you review and tell me what you think... THANKS

**The Life With In You**

**Chapter 1**

babygirl2006

**(Ashley's P.O.V)**

I find myself always searching these same lonely halls. As my heart is broken yet again. I thought she was different. I thought she could make me happy for the rest of my life. But yet again I was wrong. My heart can't take this anymore. Too much pain to keep going through. People walking in and out of my life like it's nothing. Like giving someone this much pain is funny. Why are people so damn selfish. Why can't they understand the pain they cause. I would wish I could make her feel the pain I feel right now but then I wouldn't want anyone to feel the pain she caused. I loved her. I would have died for her. Yet she still pulled my heart right out and stomped on it like it was what she meant to do along. Something for the whole world to laugh at me about. I could feel everything inside of me crumble at the sight of her. Remembering everything she said. Remembering every promise she broke. Remembering every touch she made. Remembering every secret she told. Remembering how I felt when I held her or how it felt when she held me. I watch her walk by me like I'm not ever there. I feel tears build in my eyes for the fourth time that day and it's only 10:30 am. I can't take being around her not with the way I feel. My heart feels hollow. My eyes ache to look into hers once again. My mind longs to think about the happy time we had together and wants more. But all thats in my mind is the day she walked out the door and said her goodbyes. We had to make sure we had every class together. Didn't we. Make sure that we spent every waking day together. Like was was going to be together forever. After dating two years in high school and a year in college. 3 years total. Shes gonna act like we were nothing to her. Like I was nothing to her. I can't take being in the same class as her right now. I can't stand being the same dorm building as her. I can't stand being in the same college as her. I can't even stand being in the same state as her. I want to take everything back. Make her see that I still love her. Make her see that all I ever want is her. Make her see that that... I can't be in here. I got up and walked right out of the class. In the middle of the professors biggest discussion of the semester.

"What do you think you're doing?" I heard a familiar voice come from behind me. I stop died in my tracks. The sound of her voice just makes me freeze in time.

(Flashback)

"I can't do this anymore Ashley. I need space. I need to figure out what it is I'm going to do. I lo..."

"You don't love me Spence... Cause if you did you wouldn't be doing this right now. You wouldn't be breaking my heart in a million pieces than walking out that door 5 minutes later. If you loved me you would... we wouldn't be having this conversation." I screamed at her. I know its wrong for me to do. But how are you supposed to feel when the one person you love is trying to walk out of you're life like it's nothing. Like it's just something I would understand and let her go.

"Ash... It's not about breaking your heart. I just need to figure out if you are who I'm supposed to be with the rest of my life. I just need time. I need space. From you. From us." She told me. From us is what really made me break down. I didn't know what to say or what to do. Was I supposed to just let her go or say something to try and make her stay. Was I really sure she was going to stay if I said something. No I wasn't. Nothing was going to make her stay with me. Nothing could make her change her mind. Nothing and I mean nothing. So I said nothing and just watched her walk out the door.

(End of Flashback)

That day my world crumbled. That day my world went black. I stayed on my bed for days and cried after that. I didn't know what else to do. My body failed to make any movements. My heart wanting to stop beating from the pain it felt.

"What is it you think you are doing?" I heard her say again.

"What is it to you?" I screamed at her. I didn't even turn around. I couldn't look at her. I knew I wouldn't be able to say anything if I did. I would just cry.

"You just walked out of class. This is going to mess you up so bad. What do you think you're doing?" Why does she keep repeating herself.

"I can't stand to be around you. It hurts to even look at you."

"Ashley..." She started.

"Lady... I need you to come back into class and stop yelling in my halls or leave and have this conversation else where." Professor Head told us. I walked torwes the doors at the end of the hall. I don't know if Spencer following or if she went back into class and I didn't care. I need to get out of here and thats what I'm going to do.


	2. Hurting

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. I don't own South of Nowhere.

Summary: Okay so I wanted to try and work on something that has to do with a break up so... this is what I'm going with right now... Ashley and Spencer dated for 3 years before Spencer broke it off at the beginning of their sophomore year in college. And they have been broken up for about 10 days and Ashley is having a really hard time with it... It will get better you can't keep spashley apart.

Feedback: It would be great if you tell me what you think. Thanks

Author notes: I hope everyone that reads this story likes it. And I hope you review and tell me what you think... THANK YOU!

BROOKLYNDE--- Of course they will get back together at some point thats the best part of the story... Thank you for the review and I hope you keep reading... THANKS...

vingklippt--- Thanks... I was hoping it would be... and I also hope you keep reading and reviewing the story... THANKS... 

yo gurl jackie--- Here's you're post... and thanks for the review...

Kyden 298--- LOL well thanks... People give you pain and you could only go do so much with it... So I decided to put it in a story and plus the other stories that I wrote are all sweet ones so I guess I wanted a twist so I went with this one... but anyways thanks for the review... and just THANKS... southismyantidrug07--- Thank You Thank You... LOL anyways here's your post got it up as fast as I could... and THANKS AGAIN... DaPhoenix--- Thanks and heres the post... 

**THIS CHAPTER HERE IS GONNA BE A SWITCH POINT OF VIEW STARTING OFF WITH SPENCER**

**The Life With In You**

By:babygirl2006

**Chapter 2**

**(Spencer's P.O.V)**

I just stood there and watched Ashley walk down the hall. Everything came back to me at the moment. Watching her leave. It hurt. I don't understand why. But it gave me a feeling in the pit of my stomach, that just felt like someone was grabbing everything and holding so tightly. It hurt more like physical pain. And it was only emotional pain trying to tell me that I'm the stupidest person alive for breaking her down. For telling her things I couldn't hold on too. For loving her then acting like she meant nothing. Ashley was my world. She should know that. But I needed space. I needed time. I needed and need a lot of things. Ashley couldn't understand that and she never will. I had to end it with her before she started hating me.

**(Flashback)**

_We laid there on her dorm bed. I was turned to the left and Ashley had her arm around me. I can't look at her knowing what I'm about to do. It's gonna be hard telling her that I can't be with her right now. I'm gonna miss this. Her touch. How her lips feel on mine. How we could just talk for hours about nothing and still want to do it again. How it is to just lay with her and still feel comfortable. I love her. But we need time apart. I need time away. Away from her. Away from this relationship. From any relationship. Away from everyone. I need time to find myself and find what it is I'm meant to do in this world. I could be in a relationship with her while doing this. I could be but I can't. I feel like we are falling apart because of me and thats why I'm doing this. I don't want to end up cheating on her or anything else. Thats why I'm ending it and ending it now. I don't want her to hate me. I just want her to understand that there's other things I have to do. She ain't holding me back from it. She would never do that. I feel she is though. I could just feel my heart melt at the thought of what she would think of me after this. The thought of her being broken. The thought of her still loving me even when everything inside her wants to hate me. I know its gonna be so much pain for her. All I want is for her to understand. For her to see that I need this and it has nothing to do with her. She most of seen I had a lot on my mind because she broke me from my thoughts._

"_What are you thinking about?" She asked me._

"_Ashley..." I started. I know she could feel that I was about to say something she didn't want to hear._

"_Never mind... Don't tell me. I don't want to know anymore." She got up off the bed. She just stood there looking in the opposite direction. I got up and stood behind her. I know she doesn't want to hear this. I know she don't. _

"_Ash... There's things I need to deal with right now and I need to deal with it alone. Without you. Without anyone. It has nothing to do with you. I just have to find myself. Ashley you have to understand that. I need you to understand." She turned around and looked me in the eyes, after 2 minutes she spoke._

"_Don't Spencer... Don't do this. Not now. Why now? After all this time you're going to stand in front of me and tell me you need space, time, and whatever else. Why now Spencer? WHY?" She screamed at me with tears about to fall down her face. I knew she wasn't going to take this easy and I've been preparing myself for it for the last 2 months. Even being prepared for it, it still doesn't help. I'm in love with her. No matter how long I prepared myself for it, it wasn't going to be easy. It was going to be the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. But I still have to do it. Get it over with. Something has to make her understand. Something. But nothing ever will and I'm just going to have to deal with the fact that she is going to be heart broken for along time after this moment. _

"_I can't do this anymore Ashley. I need space. I need to figure out what it is I'm going to do. I lo..."_

"_You don't love me Spence... Cause if you did you wouldn't be doing this right now. You wouldn't be breaking my heart in a million pieces than walking out that door 5 minutes later. If you loved me you would... we wouldn't be having this conversation."_

"_Ash... It's not about breaking your heart. I just need to figure out if you are who I'm supposed to be with the rest of my life. I just need time. I need space. From you. From us." The look she had on her face when I said 'From us' broke my heart in half. She doesn't understand and I'm sorry that she don't. I can't do anything about that. Well I could but its over now and she is hurting. She turned away from me. I know shes crying thats why she turned away. Its been along time since I seen her cry. A really long time. It hurts me to see her like this. Knowing I'm the one that is making her feel this kills me._

"_It's over Ashley and I'm sorry." I told her in a whisper. I don't think she hear me. I need to leave now. I had to before she thought of something to say. I didn't even know what else to say. So I left. I walked out the door. I felt her eyes on me as I was leaving but I couldn't turn around. I just couldn't. The door closed behind me and that was it. _

**(End of Flashback)**

That was the last time I was in her dorm room. I have to walk passed her door every time I want to go to my room. Sometimes it's hard not being able to stop and just say ' hey! How was you're day?' or 'I've had a bad day. Will you hold me?'. She always did hold me. She held me like she never wanted to let me go. And it always made my day better in the moment that she touched me. When she kissed me. When she looked me in the eyes and told me that she loved me. Sometimes I wish I would have never broke up with her. Sometimes I wish I could take back all the pain that I caused her. Sometimes I wish I could just hold her again. Look into her eyes and get lost for hours like I used too. I can't though. I ruined it and right now theres nothing I could do about it. I cry myself to sleep at night sometimes. Missing her touch. Her breathe on the back of my neck, when she whispered to me. Her soft kisses trailing down my neck and chest. Her promises she made and never broke. I miss everything about her. And the saddest part of it is that I'm the one that broke it off. I'm the one who told her I couldn't be with her. The one that made her cry for days. Class just let out. I walked into the classroom, got my stuff, and headed to my dorm room.

**(Ashley's P.O.V)**

Ooh, ooh  
Do you ever think about me?  
Do you ever cry yourself to sleep?  
In the middle of the night when you're awake,  
Are you calling out for me?  
Do you ever reminisce?  
I can't believe I'm acting like this  
I know it's crazy  
How I still can feel your kiss

It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours  
Since you went away  
I miss you so much and I don't know what to say  
I should be over you  
I should know better but it's just not the case  
It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours  
Since you went away

Do you ever ask about me?  
Do your friends still tell you what to do?  
Every time the phone rings,  
Do you wish it was me calling you?  
Do you still feel the same?  
Or has time put out the flame?  
I miss you  
Is everything okay?

It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours  
Since you went away  
I miss you so much and I don't know what to say  
I should be over you  
I should know better but it's just not the case  
It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours  
Since you went away

It's hard enough just passing the time  
When I can't seem to get you off my mind  
And where is the good in goodbye?  
Tell me why, tell me why

It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours  
Since you went away  
I miss you so much and I don't know what to say  
I should be over you  
I should know better but it's just not the case  
It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours  
Since you went away

Sing it for me  
Ooh, ooh

I listen to this song over and over again. The last 25 days have been like shit for me. I feel lost like nothing or no one is even going to touch me again. Well touch me maybe but my heart is never going to feel that love again. That warmth. That wholeness. That happiness I got from her. If I ever feel it again. I don't know what I will do. I think I'll run. The pain after feeling it. Is just to much. To much hurt involved. It's not worth it. Everyday knowing that she is around somewhere. It kills me. I would love it if she just came to me and said 'hold me' or really try to explain to me why she did what she did. Everything reminds me of her. Walking down the halls at school. Sleeping in my bed. Just seating in a lobby area. Even being places she has never went with me. It reminds me of her in so many ways. It hurts to think of her. I've been walking forever it seems. Seeing all these people, birds, all these colors that caught my eye. The ocean is what really helps me these days. My problems seem so small when I look out into the water. Seeing million and million miles of water just seems to help. Like it washes away my problems. My broken and tortured heart. My shattered and hollow soul. My helpless mind that can seem to hold on to anything anymore. I get lost in looking at the water for hours. Nothing else mattered. Nobody else mattered. Its just me and this big body of water.

**(Flashback)**

"_Why does being with you feel so right?" She asked me as I held her and we looked out into the ocean._

"_We love each other and it's strong. Nothing could ever break us apart. We've been through a lot together already. Lies, family problems, funerals, being apart, your mom, cheating, my drunk nights that made you hate me for days. You name it we have been through it. And now we love each other so much. So when you love and are in love with someone as much as we are. Everything just feels right." I tried to explain to her the best I could with the feelings I hold inside. I don't know if it answered her question good enough but its all I could come up with. I hope it was good enough for her. I hope I'll always be good enough for her._

"_I love being with you. Everything about us makes me the happiest person alive. I would never hurt you Ash... You are my world, my shield, my heart and soul, my everything. I never want to lose you. Promise me that you will never in your life break my heart. Promise me that you will never hurt me." She turned around in my arms and cried out. _

"_I promise you Spence.. With everything inside of me that I will never break your heart or hurt you. Never. I promise." I told her as I looked back into her eyes._

**(End of Flashback)**

I guess I should have made her promise me. That day. That day was almost a year ago. Everything happens in just a short amount of time. You always hold on to your love tightly until one day you realize you have let go and they aren't with you anymore. I can't pinpoint the moment she let me go. The moment she thought it was okay to break me down. The moment she thought I would be okay without her in my life. The moment she decided to stop loving me. The moment she lost all control to her actions and stomped on my heart. I can't tell you these things. Honestly I don't think she could tell you either. Maybe she could. Just maybe. I couldn't even tell you the moment I started loving her and thats never going to change. There will never be a moment where I don't love her anymore. I will always love her. She was my everything. My soul, my heart, my mind, my savior, my light. She was... is my everything. Now that she is gone. All that is gone too. Everything is empty. So empty. At times I don't even feel my heart beating. At times I don't even realize I started thinking about the first time I held her. Kissed her. Touched her. Loved her. The first time I ever looked at her.

"What?" This is the first time someone has messed with me since I started coming here.

"Aren't you Ashley Davies?" The girl to my left asked me. Why does she care what my name is? Why does she think it is okay to bug me?

"Yes... Why?" I questioned looking at her concerned. I didn't know why I was concerned but I just felt it.

"Nothing to be concerned about. I just wanted to say hey and see how you was doing?" I guess she could tell that I was concerned.

"Hey and I'm fine. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"You was with Spencer right?" Why is she asking me this? Why should it matter if I was with Spencer or not? Why?

"Why? What does that have to do with anything?"

"It's just a question. You girls where good together. What happened? I mean why did you guys break up?" What is with these questions? Why can't she go up to Spencer and ask her? Why me?

"Yeah we were good together. We were great but that over now so if you'll excuse me I have to go." I got up and walked away. I don't get people sometimes. Why is it there business? How could you just go up to someone and ask them all these questions? When you don't know them. Know nothing about them. Why would someone do that? I walked back to my dorm room. It seemed like it took forever to get back too.


	3. Finding Reasons

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. I don't own South of Nowhere. Oh yeah song lyrics for chapter 2 "6 8 12" by Brian McKnight... Song in this chapter is Hinder "Get stoned"... not mine

Summary: Okay so I wanted to try and work on something that has to do with a break up so... this is what I'm going with right now... Ashley and Spencer dated for 3 years before Spencer broke it off at the beginning of their sophomore year in college. And they have been broken up for about 25 days and Ashley is having a really hard time with it... It will get better you can't keep spashley apart.

Feedback: It would be great if you tell me what you think. Thanks

Author notes: I hope everyone that reads this story likes it. And I hope you review and tell me what you think... THANK YOU!

DaPhoenix--- Thanks for the review... Because I'm writing it off the top of my head.. I'm just typing it as it comes to my mind... I didn't even know what to do with the mysterious girl at first but you find out in this chapter... Heres the post...

yo gurl jackie--- okay so I was thinking about getting them back together soon... but not sure yet... Like I said to DaPhoenix its coming to mind as I type so not sure what's gonna happen until I type it up but heres the post and thanks for the review...

southismyantidrug07---- yeah theres a lot of nosey people but you can't always hate them for trying... LOL anyways it should it better... Hopefully... LOL... heres the post and thanks for the review..

Erin--- Thank you for like the story and I'm gonna keep going with it so heres the post and thanks for the review...

**The Life With In You**

By:babygirl2006

**Chapter 3**

**(Ashley P.O.V)**

Her name is Danielle. She's a Junior. She doesn't really know what she is in college for. She said by the time she leaves this place she is going to be able to get a job doing anything she wanted. Shes taking classes for everything. Shes the girl I meant on the beach a month ago. I needed someone to talk too. Someone to hang out with. And plus she wouldn't give up on trying to get things out of me. She reminded me so much of Spencer. I think thats the only reason why I talk and hang with her as much as I do. I miss Spencer more then I've ever missed anything in my life. I think I'll always miss her though. Just everything about her. Her smell. Her smile. Her embrace. Her eyes. Her lips. Her laugh. Her touch. Her skin. Especially the way she bit her nails when she was nerves. It was funny and I always made fun of her about it. But its something that I will miss. I know Spencer doesn't like seeing me with Danielle because we flirt a lot. Everyone sees it. I know they do and I know Spencer doesn't like it but theres nothing going on. Shes the one that let me go though. I didn't tell her that I was never going to be with someone again if I wasn't with her. I never told her that I was going to wait for her. I know in my heart though if she came to me at this very moment and asked me to be her girlfriend again I would. Just because I was in love with her that much. Because I'm still in love with her that much. That throughout my life will never change. If she came to me 5 years from now I would still take her back. Well I can't lie maybe I wouldn't but thinking about it right now. Right this minute I would.

"Hey baby!" Danielle said walking up behind me and slapping me in my ass.

"Hey dear! How are you?" I pulled her into a hug. I look over her should and my eyes lock with Spencer's. Shes just standing there staring at us. She looks sad. Like I'm doing something wrong. Like I broke up with her for Danielle. Like I'm cheating on her. Spencer shakes her and turns around. I let go of Danielle and run after her. I don't know why I'm running after her but I am. I grab her arm and spin her around.

"Are you okay?" I asked her. She had tears coming down her face. Did I do something? What did I do to make her cry? Why is she crying? I ask myself all these questions that I can't answer only Spencer can.

"I'm fine Ashley. Just leave me alone... okay?" Why is she being like this? Why?

"You're not fine. What's wrong? Spencer?" I grabbed her arm again because she tried walking away. "Will you talk to me? I have never done anything to you. Why are you mad at me? What did I do wrong?" I screamed this at her I don't know why I screamed it.. it just came out the way. Everyone was staring at you now.

"Can we not talk about this here?" I grabbed her arm and pulled her towards my dorm room. She stopped outside the door and looked at me. I think she was scared to go in there. Last time she was in there was one of the worst days of my life.

"What?" I know why she stopped. I wanted her to say it though. She just looked at me like I was stupid and shook her head no. I opened the door and pulled her in. My roommate still had classes for another 4 hours. So we had awhile to talk or yell and scream. I just stood there looking at her. She refused to look at me though.

"Ashley... I can't..."

"Can you start with something else? Last time you used those words you turned my world black." I interrupted her and looked away. Being near her is bring everything back. I feel my eyes start to water up. I tried to blink them back but it wasn't working. So I gave up and just let them fall.

"I want you still. I still love you. I miss you so much. I regret everything I said to you. I regret giving you so much pain. I regret making you cry. I regret everything. I just want to hold, kiss, and most of all love you again..." Spencer stopped. I don't know if that was it or if her words just got caught in her throat and she couldn't say anymore. I don't know but I had to say something.

"Spence... I understand were you are coming from. I can't though. I can't be with you just because you miss the way we were. I'm in love you and always will be. But unless you're sure about it I'm not going to go back out with you." I know I told myself that if she wanted to get back together I would go for it but I'm looking out for me this time. Not her...Me. Is that so bad? No its not because if you got hurt as bad as I did you would be thinking about your feeling... not hers.

"okay.."

"Thats it? Thats all you're going to say?" I looked at her confused. I don't get it. She wants to get back together but she won't tell me that shes in love with me.

"Yeah thats it." Spencer said then turned to walk out my door. I stepped in front of her.

"Hold up. I'm confused here. You want to get back with me but... What's going on here?" I'm still so confused. I don't get her right now. What is she trying to do? "Is it that you are only doing this because you think I'm with Danielle? We aren't together. What is it you want from me Spence?" I said to her. I just want answers. Nothing else. Right now all I want is answers from her.

"I don't know. I thought I knew. But I don't. I'm sorry Ashley." I was stunned was she doing this again. Spencer turned around and walked for the door.

"Just hear me out... If it's not perfect I'll perfect it till my heart explodes" I screamed to her before the door closed behind her. I know she heard me because when I said it she froze and the door didn't close all the way. I waited for her to come back in.

**(Flashback)**

_Spencer and I are sitting on my bed. We just got here. She didn't want to go home after school. So we went to my house. We only had about an hour though before her mom started freaking out. She doesn't like us being together and its hard not being able to see her whenever I wanted too or whenever she wanted to see me. Everything is hard these days but I'm welling to go through it for her. When we do see each other we try to block out everything else and just focus on one another. Spencer got up from my bed and went to the radio. Hinder filled the silence of the room. Spencer pushed me onto my back, sat on my stomach, put her mouth at my ear and started singing._

_Just hear me out  
If it's not perfect I'll perfect it till my heart explodes  
I highly doubt  
I can make it through another of your episodes  
Lashing out  
One of the petty moves you pull before you lose control_

_You wear me out  
But it's all right now  
Lets go home and get stoned  
We could end up makin love instead of misery  
Go home and get stoned  
Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me  
You wear me out (We could end up making love instead of misery)  
But it's all right now_

_Without a doubt  
The break up is worth the make up sex you're givin me  
Lets hash it out  
Cause your bitchin and your yellin don't mean anything  
Don't count me out  
I can handle all the baggage that you're carrying  
You wear me out  
But it's all right now  
Let's go home and get stoned  
We could end up makin love instead of misery  
Go home and get stoned  
Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me  
You wear me out (We could end up makin love instead of misery)  
But it's alright now  
_

_Lets go home and get stoned  
We could end up makin love instead of misery  
Go home and get stoned  
Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me  
Go home and get stoned  
We could end up making love instead of misery  
Go home and get stoned  
Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me  
You wear me out  
(We could end up makin love instead of misery)  
But it's all right now  
(Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me)  
Lets go home and get stoned  
Lets go home and get stoned  
Lets go home and get stoned  
Lets go home and get stoned_

_I started laughing at her._

"_Why are you laughing?" She asked._

"_Have you even ever got stoned before?" I still continued to laugh as I asked this. She shook her head no. "You are singing a song about getting stoned but you have never got stoned before. You're crazy. Do you know what stoned means?"_

"_Yes I know what it means. And I have got stoned before... just once.(she rolled off of me)I'm never doing it again." She looked at me like last time she did it she was not someone she liked._

"_I'll take that as you didn't like it." I still can't help but laugh at her. _

"_Why do you keep laughing at me? It's not funny?" She whined._

"_It's just the faces you made while saying it. It was funny. What happened? What made you dislike it so much?" _

"_I'm not saying. You will laugh at me. But that song is to you. No matter how much of you're yelling and everything you do I will never get tired of it because for you I will go through anything no matter what. And plus the make up sex is the best especially when you're mad at me." _

"_Wow Spence..."_

"_What?" She whined at me again._

"_I can't believe you just said that. I think we are hang out to much. You're becoming more forward. And I kinda like it. It's a turn on." I started laughing again. She pushed me as hard as she could and I went falling to the floor. I laid there. I can't believe she just pushed me off the bed. _

"_You're going to die for that Carlin." I got up from the floor and looked at the bed. She wasn't there. Where the hell did she go. She left without me even noticing. How did she do that? I searched the whole house. She was no where to be found. I came back into my bed room. And out of nowhere she tackled me to the floor. She just laid on top of me._

"_What is with you and making me hit the floor? The shit hurts you know that. Just cause it's carpet it doesn't mean its softer." I whined at the girl above me. She just looked at me. "Why are you looking at me like that?" _

"_Because... you are so beautiful. I love you so very much. I will do any and everything for you. You are my world Ashley Davies." She said this and continued to look into my eyes. "No matter what happens with us. No matter what I say or you say to me or how bad we fight or break up for whatever reason I will always be in love with you. I love you and you're my everything. You always will be no matter what." I didn't do anything but meet my lips with hers._

**(End of Flashback)**

The reason why I said ' Just hear me out... If it's not perfect I'll perfect it till my heart explodes ' because I knew she would remember that day. The first day she ever actually expressed her true feeling to me. And I knew she would remember everything she told me. I know she didn't forget .

**(Spencer's P.O.V)**

I stopped. I know why she said it. That day meant a lot to me. To us. How could I forget. That was the first time I was ever really open with Ashley. We were dating for a little over a year. I opened up to her and she came right back and opened up to me. That day made me fall more in love with Ashley.

**(Flashback)**

"_Because you are so beautiful. I love you so very much. I will do any and everything for you. You are my world Ashley Davies." I paused and looked deeper into her eyes. I started again. __"No matter what happens with us. No matter what I say or you say to me or how bad we fight or break up for whatever reason I will always be in love with you. I love you and you're my everything. You always will be no matter what." I told her. I meant every word I just said. I still looked into her eyes. Next thing I know her lips where on mine. I pulled away out of breathe 8 minutes later. I put my head on her shoulder. Thats when she decided it was her turn to talk._

"_Spence... I love you too. More then life itself. I will do anything for you. You know... we have been through a lot this past year and 2 months. You always make my day no matter what happens with you next to me I will always smile. You are my rain at times but most of all you are my sun. And I love you so much. I don't know what I would do without you. You make me who I am. You make me want to be better then who I am. Not not just because I love you but because you love me. You will always have my heart. My whole heart. No one will ever take it from you. Anything could happen. You could tell me that you wish I was dead or break my heart into a million piece and my heart will still belong to you. And I will never break yours as long as I live. You mean why to much to me to even think about doing that to you." I lifted my head and smiled at her. I didn't know what to say. No one has ever made me feel the way she does. I don't think anyone could ever come close to the way she makes me feel. My eyes started to fell up with tears and they slowly began to fall down my cheeks. She wiped them away and pulled to into a hug and we stayed that way for as long as we could._

**(End of Flashback)**

That song by Hinder was what started that conversation. I am in love with her. What am I doing? Am I trying to break her heart all over again or break it even more then what I already have? I need her back. I want her back. I have to have her back in my life. I'm in love with her. Why is it so hard to except right now? I don't know but I know I have to talk to her and get her back. I walked back into her dorm room and shut the door. She just looked at me. I really didn't know where to start or what to say. My mind has thousands of things running through it.

"What do you want me to say? You know I remember that day. It was the best day of my life. You telling me how you felt. Me telling you how I felt..."

"Spence... what I said that day I still feel. None of what I said has changed. I told you then my heart is yours. And you did break my heart into a million pieces and I was right back then my heart still belongs to you." She told me as she stared into my eyes.


	4. The One

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. I don't own South of Nowhere.

Summary: Okay so I wanted to try and work on something that has to do with a break up so... this is what I'm going with right now... Ashley and Spencer dated for 3 years before Spencer broke it off at the beginning of their sophomore year in college... It will get better you can't keep spashley apart.

Feedback: It would be great if you tell me what you think. Thanks

Author notes: I hope everyone that reads this story likes it. And I hope you review and tell me what you think... THANK YOU!...**_OKAY GUYS AND LADIES... I HAVE TO SAY THAT IF ANY OF THE ASHLEY'S ARE SPELLED IN A DIFFERENT WAY I'M SORRY... I'M SO USE TO WRITING MY GIRLS NAME WHICH IS ASHLIE AND ITS SPELLED THAT WAY... SO SORRY IF ANY ARE SPELLED LIKE THAT.. I'M TRYING REALLY HARD NOT TO SPELL EM THAT WAY... SORRY IF IT IS..._**

Hutcha--- thanks for loving the story... I'll try and make it a little more understanding as to why she broke it off... Sorry to leave it like that but I really didn't know where I was going to take it yet so I had to stop... It comes to me as I type and my mind like was not giving anything else to type so I basically had to stop... anyways heres the post and thanks for the review...

Loug2--- LOL... thanks for the review and heres the post...

BROOKLYNDEB--- Thank you and heres the post... Really thank you...

southismyantidrug07---- Thanks for the review and heres the post..

yo gurl jackie--- Thanks for the review and heres the post...

SOA88-- Heres the post and thanks for the review...

dukefan32--- Sorry for the wait... I've been a little busy lately and I'm glad you love the story... thanks for the review and heres the post...

**The Life With In You**

By:babygirl2006

**Chapter 4**

**(Spencer's P.O.V)**

"Spence... what I said that day I still feel. None of what I said has changed. I told you then my heart is yours. And you did break my heart into a million pieces and I was right back then my heart still belongs to you." She told me as she stared into my eyes.

"Ashley... When I said felt I didn't mean that you still didn't feel it. I was just saying. As much as it doesn't seem like I still feel it... I do. What I said was all true but as time went on I thought that it faded and I felt like I needed to be alone. But I can't be without you Ashley. The last 2 months may have been my fault but I still hurt. Not as bad as you but it still killed me though..."

"You have no right to feel sorry for yourself. You did this. Not me. You are the one who broke my heart. I forgave you Spencer... Why did you still have to end it and walk away? I understood but I never understood why you needed space. Now I'm just starting to think that was a lie. Maybe because you couldn't live with yourself for what you did. You should have known though that I was fine. Yeah I yelled at you for it but my heart didn't want to let you go over that. So I didn't but you did let me go..." What was I really supposed to say. I mean she was right I couldn't live with myself knowing what I did. She gave me everything she could and I throw it away long before I ever broke it off.

**(Flashback)**

"_Ash..." I whispered. I don't even know if she heard me. We are in her dorm room. She is sitting at the deck typing away on her lab top trying to get a paper done that is due tomorrow. I laid on her bed. Watching the movement of her hands as they typed, her left leg bouncing up and down in frustration, her lips moving with the words as she read them, her hands meeting her head every so often to try to push her thoughts out faster. I just watched. It was amazing how in just 45 minutes she could have a perfectly good paper done. I could never pull that off but her. She has mastered it. Maybe it's because she doesn't like doing things when she is told so she has to get them done in a short amount of time or she just does them when she has the time. Either way it still gets done and its great._

"_Humm..." She said. I guess she did hear me. Shes not even turning from the computer. I know she is listening to me though. Thats the best thing about her. She could be doing anything and if I had something to say she would listen to me. No matter what. I don't know how I'm going to tell her this. It is going to kill her. And most likely we will be over. I feel the tears starting to come out of my eyes. I've been holding this in now for a few months and everyday its killing me more and more. Do I really tell her? We barely make love anymore because I can't bring myself to do it cause I feel so guilty. I shouldn't be putting her though all this. She doesn't deserve it. Knowing that I hurt her so bad is going to kill me. Even if I tell her. Its still gonna hurt even if we break up or not. Especially if she doesn't break up with me. It's gonna kill the hell out of me because then I'm not going to be sure if I'm going to be good enough for her. She will think I am but if I don't feel it and its as strong as I think. I won't be able to live with it. Either way I think the best things right now is for us to end it. On top of the pain I have now its going to be even more pain. I don't know how much pain I could take. I guess I made the pain so I'll have to live with it. _

"_Spence..." Ashley said breaking me from my thoughts. I forgot I called her first. I'm just so worried. She still hasn't turned around so she does even know I'm crying yet. _

"_Yeah Ash?" _

"_Umm... Dear you called my name first but never said anything. Are you okay?" She questioned turning around. Once I seen her turn around I put my face into the pillow I had._

"_Yeah.. Okay." I mumbled into the pillow._

"_Spence... What's wrong?" I felt her hand rubbing my back. I turned my head to the sound of her voice and her face was about five inches away from mine. I jumped back. "Sorry" She said lifting her head and giggling at me._

"_It's okay... I just didn't think you was gonna be that close." She just nodded. "Ashley.." I jumped up from the bed and started pacing. "I screwed up. I messed up everything. I've been hiding something from you. I'm sorry. It just happened. I didn't mean anything by it. It just happened. I'm so sorry..." I broke down at that point. I sat down on the floor and put my hands to my head. I think she knows what I'm talking about because I don't feel her near me and she isn't saying anything. I hear the door to the dorm room open and close 10 seconds later. I looked up and Ashley was gone._

**(End Of Flashback)**

That night didn't end there. It was a long sad night. That night made me feel worse then what I did feel. That is the main reason I broke it off because I couldn't deal with the fact that she forgave me. I wanted her to forgive me but then at the same time I wanted her to end it because I messed up and it didn't seem to make her think any less of me. That really screwed with my head. I mean how could you forgive the one person you always loved after the just told you they cheated on you? Maybe thats the difference between her and I. She will always let her heart do the choosing...

**(Ashley's POV)**

She knew no matter what she did I would still forgive her for it. No matter what. I don't fully understand why so I don't expect her to understand. Maybe my love for her was just that powerful that I would forgive her for anything.

**(Flashback)**

_I walked out the room. I didn't know what to say to her. I know she didn't mean it. I do but I had to get away from her and think. With her there she would have just keep saying things so I couldn't stay it would have possibly made thing harder then what they are. I walked around the campus four times before I returned to my dorm. She was sleeping on my bed when I got there. I could tell she had recently fell asleep because the pillow was still really wet from her tears. I watched her sleep. The thought of someone else actually kissing her and being inside of her made my stomach turn. I always thought I would have been the one cheating on her. I thought but its not. Its crazy. I never thought we would be having this conversation and her being the one asking for forgiveness. Things always turn out different then what you always thought it would be._

"_Ashley?" She made me jump. Maybe she wasn't sleeping._

"_Yeah?" I could hear the softness in my voice. From the tears I keep from falling. I know if I talked loud they would fall and I didn't want to cry not now anyways._

"_I'm really sorry." You could hear the pain in her voice and the hurting she is going through. She thinks I'm going to break up with her. I don't think I am though. I really don't want too. Everyone makes mistakes. I've made plenty in my life._

" _I know... I just don't understand when or how you could to that to me.." I trailed off. I really don't want to yell about this. We can get through this with out screaming and yelling at each other. Well I think we can._

"_It was the night I had to do a project with Samantha..."_

"_So you lied to me too? You didn't have a project do?" I screamed at her jumping up from the chair I was in. This changes a lot now. Not only did she cheat, she lied to me too. That night she called me and told me 'I would rather be there with you then doing this stupid project'. Maybe that was just to throw me off. _

"_No, No, No...(She got up from the bed).. I did have to do a project but I also did other things that night." _

"_So it was with her then? Her? Are you serious? How? Wrong word. Why would you do that?" I'm so confused right now I can't even talk or think straight. This is just all upsetting me more and more. Its starting to get really hard to look at her. _

"_Yes it was Samantha. I don't know why I would do it. I didn't even think about it. It just kinda happened."_

"_NO, it didn't kinda happen. It did happen. So that was about 2 3 months ago. Why tell me now? Why couldn't you keep it in for the rest of you're life? Why tell me at all? I didn't need to know. Today and every day after today would be all happy days for us or me if you would have just keep it to yourself..." _

"_Ash.. I couldn't keep it in anymore. Why do you think I've been acting all weird the last few months? It's just gotten worse for me to keep this from you..."_

"_Well if you wouldn't have been a slut then you..." I stopped. I didn't want to say anything else and regret it. The look in her eyes right now makes me scared. She looks like she wants to kill me for saying that. "Sorry... I didn't.." She cut me off. _

"_It's okay... I understand why you said it. It really hurts to hear you say it but its basically true."_

"_I don't really want to talk about this anymore. Things are being said that shouldn't be. And I don't want to have to keep saying sorry every time something bad slips out of my mouth. Where does this leave us?" _

"_I really don't know. I guess that is up to you." She looked down. I really don't feel like breaking up with her. I know I'll just miss her way too much and get back with her anyways so why waste time. We can just learn from our mistakes and go from here. _

"_Come here.." Was all I could say. She hesitated at first but I pulled her into a hug. I didn't want to let her go. I held on to her so tight. I had to loosen my hold cause I don't think she could breathe._

"_I'm sorry.. Really really sorry." She whispered into my ear. I didn't say anything. I know she is sorry. I just pulled her to the bed and I just held her. Nothing inside of me wanted to let her go. My heart most of all didn't want to let her go. I'm not going to tell her that though. She doesn't need to know. _

"_I love you" I whispered into her ear. She said it right back and now she was crying again. I just held her. Thats all I could think of to do. _

**(End of Flashback)**

She really has a hold on me. She has a hold of my heart. My mind. My soul. Just everything. I could never seemed to get away from her. I think throughout my life. My road will always lead me back to her. She makes me feel alive. Whole. Happy. Warm. Things I've never felt before and I never want to lose these feelings. She will always be the one I run to when times are hard and I can't seem to get by anymore. She will always be the one to make me smile or laugh when I feel like I can't do it anymore. She will always be the one for me but will I always be that one for her? I should ask her. I can't answer it myself.

"You don't have to answer now or in 20 minutes but hopefully soon. I don't want to talk about our past anymore. I just want to let it go and start from here. Just answer these two questions. It's not difficult. It may not be easy but just answer me. I've realized that you will always be that one for me and I honestly never want to lose you again. It hurts way to bad. You are the one I want to spend my life with. You are the one who will always have me. The one that will always make me whole and feel things I didn't even know another person could make you feel. The one I want to share my world with. The one I want to give my life too. The one I give my heart too. I'm I that one for you? And can I give you my heart again?" She just stared at me. Not saying anything not even moving. It doesn't even look like she is breathing. She see a single tear roll down here cheek. I reached up and whipped it off. She leaned into my touch and I keep my hand there. Just by touching her again I feel warm inside.

"You are that one for me... I'm ready to have your heart again. I promise to take better care of it this time. I love you Ashley." She held me this time like she never wanted to let go. And again we ended up laying on my bed holding each other.

_--------------------------------------------------_

**_Authors Notes: Umm... I'm thinking this is going to be the last chapter for this story not to sure though... tell me if you think I should continue with it. I have a way to take it but maybe this is a good ending or maybe I should just make a sequel or something will tell me what you think... Do you think I should continue? Keep it here and end it? Or Sequel? Review and tell me PLEASE... Thanks_**


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